My Virgin mobile broadband has finally kicked in.
As for The Depression Cure program, I'm afraid it's a case of one step forward, one step back.
Physical Exercise: 0 (yes, 0!)
Sunlight Exposure: Started the Philips goLite Blu finally in the morning for 15 minutes when I wake up.
Omega 3 Fats: I've been keeping up the 1/2 tsp twice daily and have finished the bottle. I think with the next bottle, I'll increase it by another 1/2 tsp a day as I haven't really noticed any physical benefits.
Social Support: Started therapy.
Sleep: ?
Engaging activity:?
I have to be honest.
I still haven't read through the book. I've avoided it. I've skimmed it. I tend to do that. Be incomplete with things. Half-assed if you like.
I've stood on the threshold of a lot of things, shiny new opportunities, and for most of them, I've turned and gone back into the same tiny little black box of a room that I longed to escape from.
Starting therapy. Well, I've only been hanging on to that referral from my GP since the end of last year and I've probably needed therapy since I was 12. I guess you can see it as a big step forward.
It's also my last hope for change. I've played the last ace up my sleeve. I don't know if therapy will work. Maybe I won't like this therapist. I know I need to stop running from myself and maybe this therapist can help me do that because I can't help myself. I really can't. I've broken my heart trying. It's most decidedly erosive to your soul to not only be continuously disappointed in yourself but to also see the disappointment in the eyes of those around you as they slowly realise........you're a failure.
Life at 32 isn't what I thought it would be like when I was 12, or even 20.
I never thought it'd be about just getting by.
Maybe therapy will be about becoming ok with that.
That's fine. Really.
Because the alternative is to continue as I have done and I know where that road will lead eventually.
As for The Depression Cure program, I'm afraid it's a case of one step forward, one step back.
Physical Exercise: 0 (yes, 0!)
Sunlight Exposure: Started the Philips goLite Blu finally in the morning for 15 minutes when I wake up.
Omega 3 Fats: I've been keeping up the 1/2 tsp twice daily and have finished the bottle. I think with the next bottle, I'll increase it by another 1/2 tsp a day as I haven't really noticed any physical benefits.
Social Support: Started therapy.
Sleep: ?
Engaging activity:?
I have to be honest.
I still haven't read through the book. I've avoided it. I've skimmed it. I tend to do that. Be incomplete with things. Half-assed if you like.
I've stood on the threshold of a lot of things, shiny new opportunities, and for most of them, I've turned and gone back into the same tiny little black box of a room that I longed to escape from.
Starting therapy. Well, I've only been hanging on to that referral from my GP since the end of last year and I've probably needed therapy since I was 12. I guess you can see it as a big step forward.
It's also my last hope for change. I've played the last ace up my sleeve. I don't know if therapy will work. Maybe I won't like this therapist. I know I need to stop running from myself and maybe this therapist can help me do that because I can't help myself. I really can't. I've broken my heart trying. It's most decidedly erosive to your soul to not only be continuously disappointed in yourself but to also see the disappointment in the eyes of those around you as they slowly realise........you're a failure.
Life at 32 isn't what I thought it would be like when I was 12, or even 20.
I never thought it'd be about just getting by.
Maybe therapy will be about becoming ok with that.
That's fine. Really.
Because the alternative is to continue as I have done and I know where that road will lead eventually.
No comments:
Post a Comment