Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Ortlieb/Tubus/Cannondale Love-Hate Triangle

I usually cycle to work but for about two months now, I've been tramming it or (rarely, walking) because I've had to put away my Crumpler bag which was giving my neck and shoulder hell. 

I have a Cannondale Quick Feminine 3 which I bought two years ago. 

I ordered some Ortlieb back roller panniers and a Tubus Logos rear rack from www.probikekit.com. (I'm plugging them because they had free shipping to Australia!)

Easy, right?
Should be straightforward, yes? 

Not so fast......here we enter into a tangled comedy of errors which is a recurring motif in my life. 

Turns out that that roundstays are way, waaaaay too short for my Cannondale. I don't understand this. I've got the shortest little legs and my bike is perfect for a petite person like me. How is it that the supplied roundstays (apparently 240mm long) are too short

So off I go trawling throught the internet. Thankfully, Tubus supplies different lengths of roundstays. After getting a ruler, I decided that the 350mm length would fit (the longest one they have!!)
Turns out that my delightful probikekit.com does not sell these roundstays, damn it. 
Turns out very few online bike stores do. 

I ordered one from another UK website which did not have free shipping. I justified the AUD$15 shipping cost by ordering some other cycling bits and bobs. 
Turns out that this website which does not clearly state this, ordering 1 Tubus Roundstay 350mm literally means ONE and not ONE PAIR. 

How the fuck was I supposed to know? Even Tubus gave me two roundstays with the rear rack and who the hell needs just one? I guess somehow I managed to ignore the fact that the picture on the website was of just one roundstay but damn it, that's near subliminal information, it's not explicit enough!

Imagine me ripping into the parcel and the look on my face as I find one and only one roundstay. I even turned the box upside down to look for the other one.

I wrote the store an email saying it would be helpful if you could maybe write somewhere that this does not come as a pair. I recieved no reply back which was why I decided to order from a different cycling store.  It's all about the customer service Cycle Sports UK...  Even a sorry about that, we'll take it into consideration would have made me a repeat customer and I would have bitten the bullet with another $15 shipping cost but nothing? Meh.....

I am now waiting for that one roundstay (for the want of a nail....), and an Ortlieb pannier carry system. Heck, I had to justify the US$25 postage cost somehow.

To be continued.....















TLC Update #4 or, A life of quiet desperation.

Late again. 
My Virgin mobile broadband has finally kicked in. 


As for The Depression Cure program, I'm afraid it's a case of one step forward, one step back. 


Physical Exercise: 0 (yes, 0!)
Sunlight Exposure: Started the Philips goLite Blu finally in the morning for 15 minutes when I wake up.
Omega 3 Fats: I've been keeping up the 1/2 tsp twice daily and have finished the bottle. I think with the next bottle, I'll increase it by another 1/2 tsp a day as I haven't really noticed any physical benefits.
Social Support: Started therapy.


Sleep: ?
Engaging activity:?



I have to be honest. 
I still haven't read through the book. I've avoided it. I've skimmed it. I tend to do that. Be incomplete with things. Half-assed if you like. 


I've stood on the threshold of a lot of things, shiny new opportunities, and for most of them, I've turned and gone back into the same tiny little black box of a room that I longed to escape from. 


Starting therapy. Well, I've only been hanging on to that referral from my GP since the end of last year and I've probably needed therapy since I was 12. I guess you can see it as a big step forward.
It's also my last hope for change. I've played the last ace up my sleeve. I don't know if therapy will work. Maybe I won't like this therapist. I know I need to stop running from myself and maybe this therapist can help me do that because I can't help myself. I really can't. I've broken my heart trying. It's most decidedly erosive to your soul to not only be continuously disappointed in yourself but to also see the disappointment in the eyes of those around you as they slowly realise........you're a failure


Life at 32 isn't what I thought it would be like when I was 12, or even 20.  
I never thought it'd be about just getting by. 


Maybe therapy will be about becoming ok with that. 
That's fine. Really. 
Because the alternative is to continue as I have done and I know where that road will lead eventually. 



































Friday, May 18, 2012

Philips goLITE BLU




Finally recieved the Philips goLITE BLU HF3321 yesterday and tried a 'dose' this morning. 
The instructions recommend 15 minutes at the medium setting initally. 

First Impressions:
Light, flimsy build quality for the price. (I mean c'mon, over $100 for this?) 
The gadget has a hollow plastic box feel in your hands. (Well, essentially it is nothing more than a glorified lamp, LED lights.....and not much else)
It really bugs me that I hear a continuous, high pitched 'tiny' electronic noise when this is turned on, and the sounds becomes higher with each increase in light intensity. 


















Things that calm me down...

















Things that make me want to kill...

Leafblowers for 3 hours straight every single Friday morning



Wednesday, May 16, 2012

TLC Update #3

I'm a few days late with the Sunday update because oops, I've done it again. Used up all 10 gb of data a mere two weeks after the turnover date. I'm not even some hotshot blogger. What the heck?


Physical Exercise
I went to the gym 3 times
Yoga + swimming
Cycling
Kinesis class aka legal torture machines


Sunlight Exposure
Still waiting for the damn light box from the ebay store but sat out in the sun at a cafe a few times.


Dietary Omega 3 Fatty Acids
Continued with the CLO/BO doses. Is it too soon to expect it to make a difference?


Social Support
I finally made a counselling appointment for this Friday. Does this count?


Sleep
Engaging Activity
I haven't gotten this far yet. 











Monday, May 7, 2012

Sunday, May 6, 2012

TLC Update #2

I'm having a hellish time. 
I don't know if I'm awakening to the truth, -withdrawing the veil of denial from my eyes or whether I'm becoming blinded by what I think and feel and heading into deeper waters.

Whatever it is, it was sudden and I can pinpoint the moment my mood took a sharp downturn. It precipitated by some rather petty and malicious remarks by a group of doctors at a cafe where my friend and I had been having coffee. I hadn't heard anything but my friend did and she told me what they had said after they left. My friend and I are nurses. She told me that one of the doctors had been bitching about the nurses where he had been working and he had said at one point, -The nurse told me the urine was cloudy but I hadn't seen it. Why should I believe anything they say? 
I felt as if I had been punched and knocked down without warning. The lack of respect that is the basis of that mindset is unbelievable. 

Hey dickhead, I don't tell you something because I like to create more work for you. In fact, telling you something about the patient's urine means.....guess what? More work for me! Yay, work!! We tell you stuff about the patient because we care about the patient and because it's our registration on the line if we don't report anything to you, the jackass with the degree, in a timely manner. Why don't you go do our job then if you don't trust what we tell you? 

So encountering that shithead and his cohort (neither of his fellow doctors at the table demurred at his comments and surely, they knew we were nurse down the other end of the table because my friend and I were talking shop -not bitching about doctors as a matter of fact) made me realise, -wow, that's what doctors think about nurse and nursing huh? I always suspected it and now I know it's true. 

Thanks for the reality check. I think I'll look for another job since I'd rather make coffee for appreciative people for the rest of my life rather than be the annoying and stupid nurse who bothers doctors over stupid things. You sure didn't become a doctor because of your innate thoughtfulness and kindness did you? You only have brains going for you really. Good luck with that.

I hate my job. My personality and the job are misaligned. Also, why would I want to keep working in a profession where I keep getting shit from patients and their families and doctors? I need something else from a job. Creativity. You can't be creative as a nurse. You either do something in a very specific way at a very specific time or you don't.  I'm quite inventive in the ways I devised to get patients to take their tablets or food but there is no creativity. There is no happiness and ease in what I do. I am conscientious about the work but I feel so worn down and completely joyless everyday. 

I don't look forward to each day and I can't see anything past this grindingly slow agony of living. 

______________________________________________________________________

TLC #2?

No exercise this week at all. 
BO/CLO all week, 1/2 tsp twice daily except once when I took 1tsp all at once.
Haven't read the book either.
The only new thing I've done is purchase from ebay a Philips goLite Blu Energy Light HF3321/60 to start light therapy.

I think I also need to start counselling or I am going to be up the creek without a paddle very soon.